Breath of Clarity

Revision in Writing- Choose the Right Word

11.3 Choose the Right Word

a) Initially, A1 simply aims to understand how current actions are servicing the needs of stakeholders.

b) Initially, A1 simply aims to understand the extent to which current actions are fulfilling the needs of stakeholders.

Comment by Carolyn Mikna:

I agree with your change in words for this sentence! The extent allows the reader to see it almost on a spectrum rather than imposing the affects in certainty. Although it is a minor change, it gives the sentence a different perspective. Great revision!

Comment by Javier Guzman:

I agree with Carolyn in that your revision in wording makes it almost like a spectrum and makes it easier to understand. Your (a) sentence leaves for some ambiguity. By simply adding a little more detail to your wording, the idea you’re trying to convey becomes so much clearer. This is a great example of how the right wording could make a difference in a paper. I think you did a really good rephrasing!